At the age of twenty-six, I finally discovered I was “intersex” from a newspaper article. Fortunately, it was not about me specifically but about intersex in general, and I’m glad that I, unlike Semenya, had time to process the information and come out about it when I was ready to. I still had other issues I was dealing with — namely: racism and homophobia — so it took a year for me to embrace this additional minority status.
Once I did, it was a positive turning point. I’d always felt strongly masculine and feminine, and now it made sense why these two presumably “opposite” traits existed, in me, side by side. I didn’t think being intersex was a bad thing to be. I’d already learned that people can be prejudiced against things they’re unfamiliar with, or are taught to dislike, and that we shouldn’t take on their bigotry.
via Commentary: My life as a ‘Mighty Hermaphrodite’ – CNN.com.
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My kids are young, so I haven’t had to address this topic yet, but I’m laying the groundwork now by using the correct words with them. I have taught Bean that she has a vagina, a urethra, and an anus, and what comes out of each. I haven’t explained that something things go in those places yet, though. *uncomfortable chuckle* She has noticed that her brother’s “vagina looks funny” (her words, not mine), and I explained that he has a penis and testes, instead. Every once in awhile, she’ll say something while I’m changing his diaper. “Why do you hide that in there, Mama?” I had to laugh at that. “I’m not hiding his penis, Sweetie. The diaper catches his pee when it comes out so the floors don’t get dirty. Once [Man Cub] learns to use the potty, he won’t wear diapers anymore – just like you!” I did have a “private places” talk with Bean the other day. Now that she’s going to school one day a week, I wanted her to know what is appropriate and what isn’t. I think I’m sensitive about the topic because I had a few inappropriate experiences when I was a child; situations that weren’t wrong enough that I knew they were wrong, but wrong enough that I now recognize them as abuse. I don’t want Bean to suffer from that same confusion. I told her that her body is her own and no one else’s. I told her that she can touch her body whenever and however she wants, but that others may not. I told her that it’s okay if she wants help getting dressed or using the potty, and that her teacher may sometimes help her with that if she wants help. But I told her that if anyone touches her in a way that she doesn’t like, she can tell them “no,” and she can tell me and I will see to it that they never do it again. I told her that no other children should touch her “private parts,” and that she should never touch anyone else private parts, either. Then I followed up with a statement to the effect that when she’s older, she might want to touch and be touched by others, but not until she’s much older and that we’ll talk about that another time. I wonder how I’ll handle sex talk later. I want to be sex-positive, I really do, but I also know that I have my own hang ups. I want to let my children know that sex is enjoyable and something they should explore… but deep down, I regret “exploring” as much and as early as I did (starting at age sixteen), and I wish I had waited. In fact, I would say that I regret nearly every sexual experience I had until age twenty! Luckily for me, I have time to figure that one out. –Submitted by C from Leap and the Net Will Appear |
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