It is better for them to learn the A-Z of sex rather than wait for porn or their friends to teach them what they are missing. Now if they miss out on the birth control bit, STD bits how they will ever exercise caution. I believe that the more they know about it the more responsible they will be before they make any decision. Sexual Education is not going to push a child towards sex. Teens are naturally curious about sex anyway in any shape or form. They will go for it regardless of the fact that they receive a sexual education or not. Would it not be better for them to learn about it before they go on to take that step?
via Sex Ed Controversy « Lawanai Sparashawe Translation: Lost my marbles big time.
I grew up in a reasonably liberal Orthodox Christian home, and I am Orthodox to this day. I don’t know if it has to do with my parents’ conservatism, or with their feelings concerning my choices and my right to choices, or even if they simply decided that because we were getting sex ed in school, it was unneeded at home, but somehow, they made the decision to refrain from having The Talk with me. To this day, I am profoundly grateful for that choice, as odd as it sounds – I don’t think I could face having that particular chat with my shy, quiet mother, or worse still, my traditional Greek dad. The thought is painful to contemplate! But I still had access to complete, accurate information (we had sex ed in school in grades five, seven, and nine, and I read most of the books in the public library on the subject).
It was never discussed in Sunday school, either (I suppose they assumed that our parents were talking to us about it), but I knew that devout Orthodox Christians were supposed to wait until marriage to have sex. It’s a choice that I question almost every day (with my boyfriend, you would too, believe me), but one that I know in the end is appropriate for me, at least for now. It is not a choice I wish to impose on anyone else, but I do wish that others would respect my right to that choice. Being as liberal as I am in most other aspects of my life, my friends are always stunned when they hear that I’m a virgin, and they immediately question my choice: have I not met the right guy, am I scared, is it a self-esteem issue, am I just not on birth control yet…?
I feel that this is an aspect of sexual education that is often neglected: it is absolutely crucial that every young adult receive accurate information about sex, contraception, STIs, pregnancy, abortions, and all the rest, but it is just as important that we make it clear that choosing to not be sexually active is equally valid, and not a sign of prudishness, close-mindedness, or conservatism. It’s just a different choice. I don’t question your choice; why do you question mine?
In my case, it’s a choice I made out of respect for my own body and out of respect for the person I eventually choose to marry. I’m still young enough to be a romantic at heart: I want my future husband to know that I loved him before I knew him, enough to save at least that for him and for us. I don’t know why others make the choices they do, whatever choices they make, but I respect them regardless. As expressions of sexuality become more openly accepted (and it’s high time they were!), the choice to refrain from such expressions needs to be equally accepted.
I plan to talk to my children about the importance of good, healthy, and safe choices, and about what those choices are, but I want to make sure that they understand that all the choices are equally valid. I can only hope that others will do the same.
–anonymous
However, of most concern is the document’s systematic promotion of masturbation to children beginning at age five. In fact, Floyd Godfrey, LPC, whose specialty is treating youth with sexual addictions stated: “After working with hundreds of clients with sexual compulsions, I have seen masturbation as the most common symptom of sexual addiction. It is also the most common compulsive behavior for teenagers who later develop addictions. Instructing young children in sexual behavior is abusive. Although some young children encounter masturbation as they grow up, this does not give adults license to teach them how to perform sexual acts. It is inappropriate and against the law to teach young children sexual behavior.”
via Stop the UN from sexualising children.
The state’s and the UN’s focus — as well as the world’s general acceptance of the UN’s draft — on the sexuality of such young children is very disconcerting. Whether they are 5-year-olds or tweens, they should not be told what sex is and how to have it. That’s much too young of an age to indoctrinate them on every nuance of sexuality, even in this era of declining values. They do not possess the maturity, morality or sense to process the information given to them. They’re kids! By showing them the ins and outs of sex, their young, inquisitive minds will no doubt be more apt to experiment at that young age, further driving down the average age at which people have their first sexual experience 15 years of age.
via Tonawanda News – CONFER: Sex ed’s youth movement.
It’s that time. My boys are growing up, they’re realizing things. And I found out last night most of what they know is false. What is not false is only half truths and misinformation. For home schooled kids, I’m surprised about how much they hear from other kids. So we decided it’s time for a little formal sex education…
The boys are different. They’re very vocal about it all. Have no qualms about asking me any questions either. And I try to answer them as honestly as possible. My problem is how much should I tell them? So I found a couple good books written for their age. Specific to boys, which was very hard to find. Most puberty books are geared towards girls. We’ll read the books together, then tackle any questions they may have. This is important because they need to know the facts, and also because I’m tired of them using vulgar terminology to describe things.
Right now, they’re reading and cracking jokes. But they’re reading it, and that’s the important thing.
via Just Living.
So Thursday I have to give my fifteen year old cousin the “sex talk.”
I have to talk to her about sex because no one else will.
Not her mother, my Aunt, who believes you shouldn’t discuss those things. Not my mother, who barely even knows how to discuss sex and sexuality with me.
I have to to talk to her about sex so she doesn’t go through what I did in my early teens. I have to talk to her about sex so she knows how to protect herself — from an unwanted pregnancy, from an STI — and what to do in case either occurs.
I have to talk to her about sex because she needs to know what is right, what is wrong, in terms of being comfortable and not allowing anyone to go past her limits. That sex is not for making someone else happy, or because someone else wants you too. That sex is pleasurable, and can be a wonderful experience, when you are completely comfortable and aware of what you are doing. That being a sexual being is nothing to be ashamed of.
I have to tell her what no one told me, and what I had to learn for myself.
Any suggestions on what else I can say to her?
While I am certain that my mother had (or tried to have) The Talk with me roundabout sixth grade, I seem to have blocked that from my memory. Or perhaps I blew her off to stave off embarrassment and avoid the whole thing altogether. I likely said “Mooommmm I already know that, they gave us a class” and turned my back. She gave me a crude 1980’s era clinical pamphlet from the doctor’s office. I can recall looking at it in secret but I didn’t fully grasp the information.
But I still recall a few moments from my first Sex-Ed class. It was tradition at the time for the sixth grade class to take a field trip into the big city; both before and after the mortifying group class we took little jaunts to the Aviary, the Museum, etc. So we had bits of normalcy to cushion the shock, so to speak.
It was taught by a nurse and there were slides of health book style drawings and diagrams. I believe the moment she completely lost control of our sixth grade class was when she got to the “penis in vagina” part of what intercourse is. The whole class laughed. For a good five minutes. There was the usual nudging and giggling throughout but for the most part the boys and the girls didn’t acknowledge each other. We now KNEW THINGS that couldn’t be taken back.
But between the forced-group initiation and my discomfort on discussing such subjects after that with the likes of my mother, I actually didn’t learn much. In fact I clearly did NOT learn much even after the Sex-Ed portion of the eighth grade health class because when it came time for me to be in a sexual relationship four years later……I didn’t know much about my own genitalia. When my teenage boyfriend tried to lick my clit, I didn’t know what he was doing – but I didn’t like it and said “I think you’re in the wrong spot.”
It took another five years at least until I admitted to my then-boyfriend that I wasn’t sure where my clit was; he showed me. And it was another couple of years (late 20’s) until I was masturbating “properly” and experiencing something close to an orgasm. I truly had a number of years of being sexually active and not getting a whole lot of pleasure from it. I liked the idea of the act, and the pleasure I was giving my partner, more than the actual act of sex itself.
I wish I had been taught better, in more comfortable environments. Not in a classroom full of giggly peers and not by my mother who I didn’t like much. I would have been much more receptive if the teaching was done by a female I liked and looked up to, like any one of my cousins.
I know that should my future daughter refuse to let me talk, I’ll enlist outside help. But I also know that I want my daughter to know so much more than me, including how to masturbate and derive pleasure from sexual activities when she’s ready. I feel like I missed out on a number of “good sex years” by not knowing how to enjoy it.
Honestly I don’t remember a lot about how I learned about sex growing up. I remember that it was always held as something special in my family – not necessarily for marriage (although that was ideal), but for someone who you really “love love love”.
I *do* remember sex ed, though, in sixth grade. It was called Family Planning or something to that effect.
It was taught by our lesbian P.E. teacher; she was very no-nonsense and I liked her.
At one point, on the overhead projector, she put up a diagram of the male body, including the genitals. We were given a handout or some such with the same drawing and additional information. She asked, “Is anyone embarrassed? Don’t be afraid.” I raised my hand – you bet I was embarrassed. Sixth grade? Diagrams of a naked adult male? Yes.
But… I was the only one who raised my hand! Now I was REALLY embarrassed.
I knew everyone else was lying. They had to be. Right? I couldn’t be the only one embarrassed to be learning about this, could I?
I have never forgotten that moment, and I am kind of proud that I was able to stand up and admit that the subject matter was new and embarrassing for me. I like to think I’ve taken that approach through the rest of my sexual life, a kind of openness that has made sex fun, never too serious, but special.
At my school, we were given Sex Ed in grade seven. It was a fairly comprehensive program covering the anatomy and reproductive cycles of both the male and the female, the general mechanics of sex, pregnancy and some time devoted to topics of pleasure, relationships, masturbation and anonymous Q&A sessions.
During one class when we were learning about menstruation and the laundry list of symptoms that accompanies this monthly cycle, my teacher told us “The body is mourning the loss of a potential baby”.
I remember instantly disliking what she had just said. There was something about that statement that grated against me like nails on a chalk board. But I couldn’t tell why. For several years, whenever I thought about that class, I would flush in anger. I felt there was something fundamentally wrong and insulting about the comment, but I couldn’t put my finger on what bothered me so much. I eventually put it out of my mind.
Many years later, when I was in university and hanging around with friends in the Women and Gender studies program, and blossoming with my own ideas of sexual liberty and equality, I recognized that statement for the misogynistic bullshit that it was. I was able to finally put into words exactly what it was about that statement that bothered me so much — how it suggests that a woman can not be complete or truly happy unless she is pregnant. That her entire purpose is to carry children because even her own body demands it and “weeps” when it is denied every month. It represents the manipulation of biology and science to justify social inequality and misogyny (similar tactics have been used to suppress other minorities as well).
I am sure that was never my teacher’s intention, who for the record was a woman herself. However, those words represented my first encountered with institutionalized sexism and how we as a society can so easily perpetuate this type of inequality and ridiculous social attitude, even against ourselves, by what we say or do not say.
I will always be proud of myself for being bothered by those words, even if I didn’t understand why. I was able to recognize that there was something wrong and I was unwilling to accept sexist bullshit.
Late night television played a huge role in my sex education. Oh, sure, those cheap, soft core porn movies that ran on Friday nights with bad scripts and equally bad simulated sex were titillating to a thirteen year old, but that wasn’t what I was really into watching. The best were the late night educational shows on Discovery or The Women’s Network. Things like “Sexual Secrets” and “The Science of Sex”. These were shows that were as explicit in their information as they were in their dramatized re-enactments. And they were a goldmine of real information for a young adolescent coming into her own sexuality. My absolute favourite was any number of Dr. Sue Johnson’s call-in shows like “The Sunday-Night Sex Show” or “Talk Sex with Sue”. I believe her equivalent in the US is Dr. Ruth.
All week I would wait, literally aching for the weekend to come so I could sit up all night and watch these incredibility informative and arousing shows. I had a whole system down that allowed me to watch without my parents ever being the wiser. Not that they would have minded me watching, but I definitely didn’t want them around when I did. See, my mother always went to bed around 10:30 pm. My Dad would watch the news until mid-night and then he would go spend time on the computer. That was when my prime sex education began. With the volume an as low as I could turn it and still hear and with my finger always posed on the channel button, ready to switch it at a moments notice, I would watch and soak it all in.
I learned about everything from these shows: sexual positions, anal sex, oral sex, masturbation, gender and queer issues, fetish and kink, birth control, toys, relationships, abuse, anatomy, sociology and history of sex… everything. And all of it honest, open, inclusive and thorough. I would finish watching hoping when I started having sex that it could be just as exciting, varied and wonderful as what I had just seen.
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