So, while it is fear-mongering, it isn’t completely fabricated, either.

But swinging is no more for everyone than is monogamy. It takes a very special couple to open up their relationship long-term (not for a few weeks or months, mind you). I’d not want to push anyone into it or even suggest that it’s the best way to manage a relationship.

I wonder what about having sex before marriage you find to be “disrespectful” toward your body? I imagine you are a person who would, when the time comes, have safe sex with someone you care about—so how is that disrespectful of your body if it comes before vs. after marriage?

You also said you wish to save sex for just you and your husband. What about sexuality makes you feel it is something to only share with just the person you marry, or what is your goal in only sharing it with your husband?

To be as honest as possible, I ask these particular questions because I see these reasons given by the religious right quite a bit, and I don’t believe they hold up. I can see many solid reasons for waiting (not the right person, not comfortable with a given act yet, just don’t feel like it, etc) . . . but as for the reasons you gave, I don’t know how well the logic bears out.

Life is short, have fun, get laid

It’s easy to think that one’s take is the “right” one on any particular subject…this post left me struck with the same feeling I had when I watched “Mona Lisa Smile” with my niece a few years back – namely, that just because we have the right (or implied social permission, if that sounds better) to do something, it doesn’t mean that we HAVE to. Sometimes it’s liberating enough just knowing that we COULD, but CHOOSE not to.

I hope your marriage, and your marriage bed, are wonderful and fulfilling.

But I respectfully disagree with it — as others have and will disagree with any one you make about something as important as this.

When I was first married I had slept with one woman, my then wife. We divorced and I am now married to a woman who hadn’t had sex with anyone before she was first married.

Wisdom may or may not come with age, but we both regret not having experimented as much as possible sexually before first marrying. I have come to believe that adolescents should be offered a choice of having as much sex as they can safely and lovingly handle — I guess a pretty radical view I have to admit.

For example, surely teaching the joys of masturbation would be as safe and self-loving as I can imagine — not a requirement, but encouragement. And yes, I’m radical enough to say that *any* prohibitions against it might be mentioned, but not given any credence whatever. I think the ending of giving any credible reason for abstaining from masturbation is one of the great accomplishments of the boomer generation.

So, yes, good luck on your journey. May it be as a happy a one as it can be.

We also have 3 children, all girls, with the eldest one nearly 18 and I do not think it is likely any one of them will wait but I am definitely not concerned as they have always made thoughtful choices so far.

So why am I in vehement support? Because its well written and just plain shrieks of honesty and sincerity.

The pulling out of sentences and dissecting them will always yield results that vary from the intent of the author. Sometimes by just a little and sometimes by a lot but the overall post for me is thoughtful and respectful and also provides a good counterpoint to some of my own opinions.

I especially liked the subtle way that the author indicated that she believes her choices now show respect and love not only for herself and her current partner but also her partner in the future.

Well thought out and good luck with your journey