We have some interesting conversations around here. This was from the other day in the car between my 12 1/2 year old son and I.
Basically went a little something like this:
Me: “I don’t know if I should tell you this story (about a fighter pilot friend’s call sign) because it’ll only lead to questions and answers I’m not sure you’re ready for.”
Him: “Maybe we should wait until I reach puberty.”
Me: “I thought you said you were already getting hair…”
Him: “Hair?”
Me: “Yeah…hair…”
Him: “Hair?”
Me: “Hair…down there.”
Him: “Down where?”
Me: “I thought you told me you were getting fuzzy nuts”
Him: “Oh yeeeeaaaaaaahhh. I remember now. Yeah. Totally.”
Me: “Dude, you’ve reached puberty.”
Him: “So, can I hear the story now?”
Me: “I’m still trying to decide. Cuz, really, it’ll lead to questions about sex and, while I want to be open and honest about that, I think some of this might be a bit more than you need to know.”
Him: “Yeah. I’m still working on the fuzzy nuts part myself.”
It’s not that I don’t feel my son shouldn’t know this information. In fact, I think it’s important he know it and know it RIGHT, get it from a reliable source.
But how do I explain oral sex to him? Should I start the lesson a bit more broadly, approaching from say…that episode of Everybody Loves Raymond when Marie takes up sculpting and her statue obviously resembles the vulva. I explained that to my son. He blushed mildly but didn’t turn away. That’s a good show to bring up and use to ease my way into the discussion, I think. And that’s likely how it’ll happen.
I think I’ll use my time with him this weekend to broach the subject, let him think it over, and then he can ask questions when he’s ready before he goes back to his dad’s house. I know the answers won’t come from there. Or maybe he’ll be brave and ask his dad a few. Either way, I want him to be educated by people who know and not some kids at school who are repeating something they heard from Two and a Half Men, although that’s an excellent source of fodder for sex ed, albeit a slightly more advanced sex ed.
Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.
In reply to Are You There, God? It’s Me, Puberty.
I have a 12 year old son. I also work in a hostel with 16-25 year old homeless teens. I sort out all the condoms and sexual health at work so naturally i didnt mind doing it at home. Two weeks ago we had the STI testers come in and they gave me lots of free goodie bags with mony clips,sun cream dog tags and goodies. I took some of these home and gave them to my son on the condition he read some of the leaflets.
Kurt said ok and went off up stairs. 1o minutes later he came down and started asking questions. He thought herpes was like aids. We got on to how people contract these nasties. So i said in some cases oral sex or using fingers is enough.
He paused and said Oral sex, whats that. so i told him it was when a man or a women lick,suck, kiss each others privates because it feels nice.
There was alot of face pulling and then he said but mum who would do that! Looking straight at me.My partner at this point was trying not to laugh. I said lots of people…not wanting to mention me or point any fingers. Then luckly he said its great we chat about this stuff as my mates know nothing :)
We then covered concent and age again just to make sure.
Be straight up and honest. He will thank you for it in the long run.
Hope it helps
Lizzie
Thanks, Liz!
If you don’t feel comfortable putting it out there verbally it’s understandable. Why not find some good literature on the subject, there are TONS of books for teens that outline basic sexuality (The sidebar on the left lists some).
If your son prefers the net, try linking him to scarletteen or go ask alice. Violet blue has a whole collection of tried and true sexuality education sites especially for the under 18 set here: http://www.tinynibbles.com/icanhazsexed.html
(All of these are good for the adult types too; it’s never too late to learn about sexuality!)