My mum and I had exactly two talks about sex, and the first was only brushing up against it.
She had gone to the chiropractor, and we were on our way to wherever. I was old enough to read, so I could have been 6, but I think I was older–maybe 8. I was reading the brochure she’d picked up in the doctor’s office, and one of the things the brochure claimed chiropractors could help with was menstrual cramps.
Well, me being the curious child, I asked what that was. My mum explained about periods and how when a man and woman have sex, that blood goes to the baby. I don’t remember much of the exact wording. I just remember being mortified that my little sister was in the backseat hearing all of this.
In between the “official” talks, I read voraciously. My mum was always a big reader herself–of romance novels. One day she said, “You have to read this book.” She marked out a couple of paragraphs in the back that I wasn’t allowed to read, and I didn’t read them. The text after didn’t make much sense, as the couple was aglow from lovemaking and I had no idea what was going on. Eventually I decided I needed more context and read the last paragraph between Mum’s lines. Then the whole forbidden passage.
I remember the day I announced that I was going to read other books by that author. Mum said, “Okay.” Then I just shifted into reading other romances as well. These books provided a lot of my sex education, though it was a very vague education and it wasn’t till I was in high school–late high school–that I got a clearer picture of what sex really was.
The next “official” talk came about 15 years after the first. I was involved with N., and I was telling my mum about a camping trip we took. “And you slept in separate tents, right?” I gave her a look. She said she was just kidding and told me to be careful.
By that time I’d had 3 or 4 partners and I knew most of what I needed to in order to protect myself. I was educated about birth control–and I was taking it–and I used condoms with all my partners.
I think I got lucky–I didn’t have much sex ed from either parents or school, but didn’t end up like so many women in my family: having a baby before they were ready. I suppose I have to credit my religion at least a little bit; if I hadn’t been uber-Christian, I wouldn’t have been set on waiting for sex. By the time I changed my religion, I was educated and ready for sex.
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