My family was pretty uninformative, in general. If you were meant to know something, it would be told to you. Questions were not only not invited, they were completely discouraged.
One day, I came home early from a babysitting job, and found my stepfather cramming a video into a tall basket in the hall closet. I didn’t ask: I knew the punishment for asking questions. However, he volunteered, “Instructional videos. I need them for work.”
Another day, I was home alone. This was a rare occurrence, because my parents dragged us EVERYWHERE with them, whether we wanted to go or not. I was looking for ways to bond with my stepfather, so I pulled out the videos. I figured if I could ask intelligent questions about his airplanes at work, we could have a few conversations. He and I rarely got along, but when I was interested in what he liked, we tended to get along better.
I popped the first video in, and got the shock of my life when I saw a man pounding the hell out of the woman in front of him, while yanking on her hair and grabbing her breasts and squeezing them.
Now, my biological father and stepmother were semi-nudists, so I had seen naked bodies. It had just never occurred to me how those naked bodies came together. And after seeing that first video, I couldn’t understand why: the woman’s face was scrunched up like she was in pain, and she was screaming.
Sure I had grabbed a video that got mixed in by accident, I popped a different movie into the VCR. This time, two women were sucking on a man’s penis, and one had her fingers going into his anus.
I watched, shocked, until he came. I didn’t understand what enjoyment anyone would get out of these actions. I was still sure that somehow this video was mixed in by accident: surely my uptight father didn’t watch these?
I tried a third video. This one opened up to a man hog-tied, kneeling in front of a woman who was dressed in leather, 4-inch heels, and carrying a whip – which she used liberally on his penis, ass, and nipples. She ordered him to do half a dozen things, then forced him to suck on another man’s penis.
I finally got the picture: my stepfather had lied. And at ten years old, that was more of an introduction than I needed into the world of sex.
While I eventually saw other videos that were less raunchy (and a few more raunchy), and despite the fact that I was curious what sex was actually like, I made the conscious decision to not have sex – or anything near sex – until I was eighteen.
I started out slow when I did start having sex, but I have surely experimented a-plenty since then. :)
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